It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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