just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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