I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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