I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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