She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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