pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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