so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
