I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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