Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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