awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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