I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
