Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
