You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
