Already got asked if we're dating
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish i was in the wii world.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
