Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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