You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
