I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
