She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
