we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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