Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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