my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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