fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
