I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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