I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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