I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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