Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
