Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize