You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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