Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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