Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
