Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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