.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
