I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
