my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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