did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
