This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
