last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
