you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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