speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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