You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
