matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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