I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
