trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
