My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
