Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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