how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
