We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
