i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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