Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
