i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
