i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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