There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
