Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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