Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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