i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize