You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
