I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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