God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
