Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And then he peed in my hair
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