is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
