I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i will never coherently bang her
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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