I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
