My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
