They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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