More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You left your phone here
Wait...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize