I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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