Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
