are you still at the devil's house?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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