Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
