i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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