Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
