Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
