Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
