I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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