I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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