My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you inspire me to be a worse person
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
