apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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