Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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