Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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