Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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