we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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