I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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