you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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