This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
